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Conflict Avoidance in a Relationship: How to Overcome It

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

They learn that they can’t trust what you say and this leaks into other areas of the relationship. It’s important to learn how to build real trust in your relationship. Read on for 18 personality traits of conflict-averse people. “The way you communicate with [difficulty] is imperative as well. To avoid conflict and avoid potentially losing a relationship, I try to understand their emotions and perspectives, which is, again, demonstrating empathy. Using the ‘I’ statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you,” states Bowman.

How confrontation can help a relationship

Let’s say you want to remind your boss that you don’t answer work calls after 5 p.m. If you worry that your boss will fire you for reinforcing this boundary, you might remind yourself that your boss is a reasonable person who values work-life balance. In these moments, silence is more productive than words. Be patient and once you find the time when the answers to these questions are yes, this is the time to speak.

  • If you don’t know how or why you feel a certain way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or resolve disagreements.
  • Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue.

Separate the person from the problem.

Commit to trying at least one of the tactics above to handle conflict rather than avoiding it. My goal for you is to become “conflict competent” — in other words, to become a nonjudgmental, thoughtful and insightful listener. You will not feel compelled to run away from conflict but how to deal with someone who avoids conflict rather embrace it with confidence. You will deepen trusting relationships, develop new opportunities, and stop spending time and emotional energy avoiding conflict. The need to avoid a conflict with a partner who is unable to consider an opposing point of view may be a smart option.

Learn to say ‘no’

Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem.

  • It can be damaging to the connection of a relationship if it is left unaddressed.
  • Conflict avoidance can damage your relationships and harm your mental health.

What is your relationship status?

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

“It’s OK to express that you need a moment or more to process your feelings before responding,” Spinelli says and adds that pausing before responding relieves the pressure to https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/how-to-naturally-reduce-alcohol-cravings/ react immediately. A pregnant pause also helps you think your options through clearly. Handling these small situations politely but firmly can help you build confidence.

Avoiding Conflict Altogether

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

When we get into conflict, what gets in the way is that we tend to divide; we tend to reduce everything to two sides. It’s sales against manufacturing, employee against the employer, union versus management. But, in fact, there’s always a third side represented by the people around you who are affected by the conflict.

Dealing with Heightened Emotions

Justino points out that attempting to rectify existing clashes may go nowhere when collaboration attempts fail, or when employees don’t authentically try to fix the matter at hand. He adds that there’s often a difference between what people say they intend to do and what they actually do. While organizations love to use words like “collaboration, openness, communication, cohesion,” etc., there has to be action behind the buzzwords.

The below tips can help you deal with an issue more assertively. For example, you might practice reminding your boss about your boundaries and that they agreed to your boundaries in the first place. You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup. These thoughts might make it difficult for you to face conflict.

It may not feel natural at first, especially if you dread discord, but you can learn to dive into these tough talks by reframing your thoughts. These assertive communication skills can help you to say things in a way where you will be more likely to be heard, without being disrespectful to the other person. When people are in the middle of a conflict, the words they use rarely convey the issues at the heart of the problem. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem. Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately, is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict.

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